I hear it’s madness down there and that people have been camped out for five hours.

I’ll be live blogging here on Tumblr and live Tweeting for Whatcha Gonna Queue all night.

First question: E! Red Carpet coverage or official ABC broadcast? 

So far the ensemble of The Fighter and Hailee Steinfeld (young actor/actress) have won.

Mike Ryan over at Movieline has never seen a Harry Potter movie. In an attempt to catch up before tomorrow night’s NY preview screening he’s going to watch all six films and entertainingly enough live blog them. 

10:54 a.m. It’s always nice when a ghost has a good sense of humor about decapitation.

10:51 a.m. Can someone explain to me what this hat is talking about?

10:49 a.m. I should add, until today, I thought the guy’s name was “Dumbledorf”.

File under: Things I wish I got paid to do.

10:36 - Eminem takes another vacant award. Boring. And Handler provides some Jersey Shore laughs. That was raunchy.

10:41 - Glee commercial: How is Finn going to be a Cheerio?! He’s over extended.

10:42 - Bruno Mars is all talent. Fun fact: this is the first time Hayley Williams and B.O.B. have ever been together to perform Airplanes. Smooth transitions.

10:47 - Who the fuck is this?! And commercial. What the hell? (It was Robyn).

10:48 - Now I remember why I didn’t live blog last year, I know nothing about pop music.

10:54 - Bieby takes the new artist award and doesn’t know how to get on stage. Of course.

10:55 - There’s a rapist in Linkin Park! Hide yo kids, hide you wife. Is this a comeback? Didn’t rap-rock die in ‘02? Crazy set of pipes on that guy though. The scenic design for this pretty crazy too, with the different platforms.

11:01 - That was an odd little look at Burlesque, thanks Cher for making much less interested in seeing it.

11:03 - I think next year I’m going back to not live blogging the VMAs. This year’s show was especially unmemorable.

11:04 - Chelsea Handler gets a few more insults in under the wire. Is that Cher or Fartman? Cher seems like the only genuine presenter on the whole show. Video of the Year goes to Lady Gaga, obviously. But which song? Oh Bad Romance. “I never thought I’d be asking Cher to hold my meat purse.” And reveals “Born This Way” as her new album title.

11:08 - Oh Aziz. You great. And now Kanye with a song about reforming your ways “Lets have a toast for douchebags, the assholes…” Hmm. Two sides of the same story in one show. “You been putting up with my shit for way too long.”

11:13 - No need for the random samples and heavy vocal effects though. That was it? Eh.

10:02 - It’s times like these I wish I could switch over to Mad Men or Hung even, but alas I’m in it for another hour. At least it’s half way over.

10:03 - Cast of Glee. Loving Jane Lynch’s coat and the fact that she called her Kaysha. Also no jokes? More fail.

10:05 - Gaga wins again and Chris Colfer is way too excited. “I didn’t think through all the wins.” -Gaga, is it possible that she knew before had. Yeah, probable. “God bless pop music and god bless MTV.” God bless Gaga for making this show watchable.

10:07 - Now the Swift is on. With a reference to last year’s fiasco - cringe worthy. Swifty sad. Nice set design.

10:11 - Taylor Swift has come a long way as an artist, it seems like it was only last year she was singing incredibly off key on live TV. Owning the moment.

10:20 - The cast of The Social Network (oh and Justin Timberlake, who’s no longer a musician apparently) present - straight from Degrassi High - Drake and Mary J Blige. What a wild pairing, set design, all of it.

10:25 - Not a fan of this song, it’s all over the place. “Free Weezy.” Thanks Drake.

10:27 - Very glad that they’re announcing the Professional wins - but not glad that they’re not saying the names of the people that actually did the work. Can’t have it all.

9:37 - John Travolta and Trey Songz to introduce Ursher. Is he singing “Yeah?” Where’s Ludacris?

9:42 - Not gonna lie, this is pretty sweet. I feel so many of these artists have been around for a while (Eminem, Linkin Park, Usher, Jackass crew), also Usher is clearly not lip synching (unlike Biebz). Take notes Bieber.

9:44 - More awkward presenter banter, as cool as MTV is trying to be they can’t escape that award show staple. And Eminem wins an award, but he left and isn’t accepting. Fail. Cute improv by Minaj and Perry.

9:52 - These new artists sketches are kinda funny. Kinda. Florence and the Machine. What is this real music on the VMAs? It’s always interesting to see an artist come out of left field for the VMAs, this performance is inspired by her nominated video for the song.

9:57 - Right into Travie and Bruno Mars, very slick. Only to be cut off by commcerial. Screw you VMAs.

9:10 - The difference between Handler and Russel Brand is that she can insult the celebs and it’s all in good fun. I feel like she’s a part of the circle where as his insults came off as mean and from an outsider.

9:12 - “The big black elephant in the room. Where’s Kanye?” Handler is doing a good job with the monologue, though the light flashes in the background are giving me seizures. MICKEY is that you? What the hell is going on here.

9:14 - Ellen is here to receive the award for best worst Idol judge, I mean introduce best female video with a terribly overused award show joke. Lady Gaga wins best female video, but enough about me. She can barely make it to the stage.

9:16 - “Thank you to all the gays.” -Gaga. Remember the MTV Fucking Movie Awards, good times. Oh John Travolta Ke$ha. ELECTRIC MICKEY MOUSE is scaring me.

9:23 - 7 minutes of commercials? Are you kidding me?

9:24 - The cast of Jackass now to remember a different time of MTV, presenting a clip from their upcoming Jackass 3D. And the award for best rock video goes to party boy! 30 Seconds to Mars. Obviously. Are they going to ride their bikes on stage.

9:27 - Jared Leto doesn’t age. He must have sold his soul to the devil. “Fashion Icon Kim Kardashian” Bieber has a restraining order on her! Jokez! This Bieber performance is thoroughly unimpressive. Sorry. Compare this to Chris Brown a few years ago, whose dancing was out of control.

9:32 - Some girl in the audience just got a new sex toy in the form of Justin Bieber’s drum stick.

10:46 - Laurence Fishburne with the award for best miniseries to Pacific. Duh. Hey! It’s Tom Hanks! Neat speech, good on him for thanking the actors. Quickly into made for TV movie - Temple Grandin. Looks like this mother might go long.

10:49 - Poor pacing with the movie and miniseries awards in the middle. This is it. Jimmy Fallon introducing Tom Selleck with a funny joke. Drama goes to Mad Men, three years running.

10:51 - Sorry Lost. Matthew Weiner, “So where was I.” Anticlimax your name is Drama category.

10:55 - Comedy series - the big one. Again it comes down to Modern Family vs Glee who have 2 awards each thus far at the big show. Ted Danson introduces the shows. It goes to…Modern Family. Classy, routine speech about family which is a staple of American television.

10:59 - After party at Betty White’s house! Good night.

9:45 - Ricky Gervais is usually very funny on award shows, but there’s no drink here taking some traditional award show shots at celebs and Jews. Pretty good. And here come the beers, this is a circus. These taped bits from the nominees are cute.

9:50 - Gervais provides some very funny off-the-cuff jokes re: Bucky Gunts, who wins for the Winter Olympics opening ceremony.

9:51 - Variety show. Colbert turning his staff into a Human Centipede! Ah! Can Conan win (also great end to his taped bit). It goes to The Daily Show who provides consistent, strong content. Side comment - saw this Daily Show producer do stand up in Central Park at the Summer Stage show a few weeks back. He was great.

10:01 - George Clooney gets the good looking humaninatarian award. In all seriousness, he’s dead on with everything he’s talking about. And how could you not want to help out when he asks you to.

10:04 - Movies and Miniseries. I’m still bitter the actors from Pacific were snubbed. Krasinski is charming. Julia Ormond wins supporting actress for Temple Grandin. Yawn, that’s enough Ormond.

10:12 - David Strathairn wins supporting actor for Temple Grandin.

10:17 - In Memoriam montage featuring Jewel. Prepare your applause meters - Gary Coleman, Rue McClanahan, Lena Hone, and Dennis Hopper get the most I believe.

10:24 - Unfortunate juxtaposition: Jimmy Dean in memoriam/weird Jimmy Dean commercial. Too soon. And now writing for a miniseries or movie goes to Adam Mazer, You Don’t Know Jack.

10:30 - Time to switch to Entourage. #Jokes. And Claire Danes wins for Temple Grandin. Her first Emmy. Like for serious.

10:33 - All of these awards are going to HBO obviously, considering they’re the only ones who do miniseries and movies anymore. As you can see the fodder has been pretty dry. Missing Mad Men right now.

10:34 - The cast of True Blood, fully clothed not covered in “blood.” Bloody thrilled. Heh. Director of a movie/miniseries to Mick Jackson for Temple Grandin. Actor in a miniseries/movie (where are the Pacific actors) and it goes to Alpa Cino. He’s right to thank the make up team because that was some excellent work transforming the beloved actor. “HBO is a leader.” No shit.

10:40 - Where did Glee go? The Event - it’s 24 meets Lost but probably not as good as either.

9:10 - I’m not impressed with the music. More tweets, hit or miss. Mostly miss? Supporting actress in a drama goes to Archie Panjabi. Who? I don’t think anyone predicted her to win. It truly is the night of first time wins. Nice quick speech.

9:12 - Lead actor in a drama - oh boy. Can Bryan Cranston make it three or will Michael C Hall upset? Cranston for three. Did Breaking Bad just push itself into the running for best drama?

9:15 - Upcoming musical tribute to recently departed dramas 24, Lost, and L&O - prepare the tissues. The cast of Community star in a kitschy branded entertainment spot, pretty good.

9:21 - Best directing in a drama series, fierce fierce competition. Steve Shill for Dexter, another first timer and an upset over all those other heavy hitters.

9:23 - Jimmy as Elton, hilarious. And Boyz II Men! NPH may be a song and dance man but Jimmy is seriously giving him a run for his money. Laughing so hard at him pouring one out for his homiez. Rounding it out as Green Day. Spectacular. “I didn’t understand it but I tried.”

9:31 - Ugh, more Tweets. Boo. Lead actress in a drama goes to Kyra Sedgwick. Who brings home the Bacon. Another first time winner! Upseting Marguilies who was supposed to be a lock. What is happening tonight. “I’m going to hold one tonight.” -Tina Fey.

9:35 - Variety! NBC bash on NBC love it. What a year in late night and variety it was. I hear you cast of American Idiot. Joel Mchale and Jeff Probst now to out-smarm each other.

9:38 - 5 seconds of Wanda Sykes, hilarious. Writing for a Variety Special goes to the Tonys. The Emmys love the Tonys.

9:42 - Infiniti SUV: You can live in it!

8:43 - Every commercial stars Betty White. Jimmy is doing a fine job hosting.

8:45 - NPH takes a jab at Jimmy and then goes into the lead actress in a comedy category. The winner is Eddie Falco. I’m not doing bad on my predictions. Are you guys listening to John Hodgman’s jokes? They’re like little easter eggs.

8:46 - Oh these Fallon songs are recurring. Kim Karashian can’t sing. Reality, the best part of television.

8:49 - Only Will Arnett can take tacky award show banter and make it hilarious. Top Chef upsets the Amazing Race! Wow. That’s awesome. The Amazing Race hasn’t lost ever. Please pack your knives and go.

8:55 - Cool Chase promo on NBC, still prob not going to watch it. This accountant introduction is uncomfortable, but funny. I’m very impressed with how slick this production is. Drama montage. Spoiler alert for these dramas!? Way to ruin the ending of every single show NBC.

9:01 - Drama writing. “So we made it four toes.” -Damon. And Mad Men wins for their beyond brilliant finale, that I at the time called one of the best hours of television ever. An abrupt ending to Matt Weiner’s speech, he’ll prob get to talk more late.

9:03 - Supporting actor in a drama goes to Aaron Paul! A great win for the over-deserving actor. His enthusiasm is so authentic.

8:19 - Humorless joke from John Hodgman. I can’t believe we made it 20 minutes before a reference to Twitter, the Tweets weren’t that great. Comedy writer montage and the award for writing for a comedy series goes to the pilot of Modern Family. Well deserved as it was one of the best comedy pilots in a very long time.

8:21 - Insider reference: Steven Levitan thanks Steve McPhereson at ABC, the audience laughs because McPherson is no longer at ABC.

8:24 - Colbert rips on Tom Hanks, fun times. Supporting actress in a comedy. Could anyone win besides Jane Lynch? Nope. There’s seems to be a bit of an anticlimax to all this. A very heartfelt, if not well rehearsed speech.

8:26 - What’s with the music from Kill Bill?

8:30 - Funny Betty White promo for Community brings us back to the show. Way to go Emmy writers with a decade old Friends joke.

8:33 - Director for a comedy series, funny-ish montage, and Ryan Murphy wins Glee’s first award of the night. Another deserved award. Nothing to complain about yet.

8:35 - Stewie would make a great addition to Modern Family. Another good taped bit, interesting to see the actors technically playing themselves.

8:37 - Early to do lead actor in a comedy series. Is Larry David even there? And Jim Parsons wins! Hurrah! “I’ll slow down.” Not likely…Highlights from a year in reality! I can’t wait!

I can’t believe this is three years running, and to think I almost didn’t do it this year. Anyway, we’ve reached the end of an arduous, seemingly infinite Idol season. Quick recap: early front runners Katie Stevens and Big Mike Lynche flamed out quickly letting songstress Crystal Bowersox and dark horse Lee Dewyze take the lead. Ellen Degeneres joined the table as staple Simon Cowell said goodbye. A lot has been said about the lack of talent, flare and excitement surrounding the show this year, and I can’t disagree but the finale is more spectacle than anything else. Best of all the title is anyone’s game. Here we go.

[Note: As always updates come at every commercial break right here. So hit the link and reload for more info. I’ll do some bold headlines comments also, maybe.]

8:00 - Well when you put it like that Seacrest, it does seem long.

8:01 - I love when they hit the house lights on the Nokia Theater, makes the place look gigantic. I am going to miss Seacrest saying, “This is American Idol.” Until next year. He’s so good at it

8:03 - Forget Lee and Crystal. Tonight is clearly about Simon. Crystal and Lee enter, straight off the Hogwarts Express.

8:05 - Group number: “School’s Out for the Summer.” Someone call Ryan Murphy this would have been a bit more fun on Glee. And the freaky ass choir. Yikes. Alice Cooper better not smack some kids around. Alice Cooper looks like he hasn’t been in school for quite some years.

8:08 - Celebrity spottings: Carrie Underwood, blonde girl from Reaper and new fox show The Good Guys. As long as Justin Guarini isn’t there.

8:14 - Poor Kris Allen not only does he have to live in the shadow of runner up Adam Lambert. His songs aren’t as good. And he has to perform way early in the show and gets interrupted by Seacrest mic still being on. 

8:17 - First Goodbye Simon montage. Obviously not the last. Perfect in tone for the tongue in cheek judge.

8:18 - Now some cast offs sing. Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly. Man Siobhan was promising 8 weeks ago. Joined by Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake The Bee Gees. Sounds good but is completely boring visually.

8:26 - Right into another song (gotta love that.) Big Mike sings “Takin It To The Streets” with Michael McDonald. For a show trying to be current, so far we’re three for three with dated numbers.

8:29 - Dane Cook is singing. To Simon. And we can’t hear his guitar. What the hell is going on here?! And then the freaks come out. WTF WTF WTF. Who cooked up this idea?! No wonder they abruptly threw to commercial. Train wreck. I’m embarrassed for Simon.

8:34 - The girls are singing Christina’s “Beautiful.” The first contemporary song of the evening. But Christina herself is MIA. Now into “Stronger.” Again I’m feeling that Idol is a step behind Glee creatively. There she is. A perfect segue into a solo number. 

8:41 - Christina’s new music doesn’t have the hook of the songs we just heard (or Gaga’s for that matter) but her talent is second to none. Hope this year’s Idols were paying attention. 

8:42 - Ricky Gervais by satellite from only miles away. Hilarious. Gervais knows how to be funny and sentimental. Pay attention Dane Cook.

8:48 - Boys sound good. Tim Urban just sounded the best he did all season. Fail. Hall and Oates perform. 

8:52 - Crystal now, singing Alanis. Good call. There’s much more music than I remember. Better this than dumb sketches promoting awful movies (Love Guru anyone?) 

8:54 - And there’s Alanis. Looks like she stole Idina’s Glee wardrobe. This is awesome. The first wow moment of the finale. Crystal and Alanis should go on tour together.

9:01 - I think we can agree Carrie Underwood is the most successful Idol winner. Not to be super negative but I’d be surprised is Lee or Crystal find a quarter of her success.

9:03 - Crystal and Lee feign surprise after Kris Allen hands them the keys to their Ford Fiestas. In a typical Ford commercial fashion.

9:06 - Casey sings Poison’s “Every Rose…” and a healthy Brett Michaels joins him on stage. Michaels gets one of the biggest applause breaks of the night. 

9:15 - Lee performs with Chicago. Not as impressive as Crystal and Alanis. Good thing they’re not judged on this part. Celeb sighting: Lori Laughlin aka Aunt Becky. Does she have a show on Fox?

9:19 - Another Goodbye Simon montage. More funny than sentimental. Silly stuff. Oh how I’m going to miss all the dumb sketches with Simon.

9:21 - And now the number you’ve all been waiting for…PANTS ON THE GROUND. The only great thing to come out of this season. Still looking like a fool with your pants on the ground. Surprise cameo from William Hung. Another WTF moment thanks to Idol.

9:28 - Paula gets her own Simon goodbye montage. Makes me long for the days of classic form Idol. It won’t be the same. Good to see Paula’s still a nut. And there she is. This is awkward. Jokes about a Simon/Paula love child. Yikes. Work on the delivery Paula.

9:34 - So far I think we’ve seen four Simon montages. Overkill. OverCowell. At least they nailed the sympathy at the end. You will be missed Simon. 

9:35 - Out comes Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard (Presumably all of the past winners…), Fantasia, Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks, Taylor Hicks, Kris Allen  - and an all star cast of past top ten contestants (dressed all in whites) like ghosts. And Justin Guarini. All for Simon. Where’s Sanjaya? And more importantly David Cook? Conspicuously missing.

9:39 - Simon showing true emotion surrounded by all of the artists he made. “You guys [the audience] are the judge of this show, and you’ve done an amazing job over the years.” -Simon

9:44 - And we have some green lasers. The season 9 cast is back. Bring back the past winners. As Janet Jackson strolls past. 

9:49 - Her dancers are all Rorshacks.

9:53 - Loving this Lee/Crystal montage. Idol sure can cut the stuff together. “With a Little Help From My Friends.” An appropriate last song (for the end of Lost.) Joined by Joe Cocker, who can still…umm…make noise. The number rocks though.

10:02 - We’re already over but here we go. The winner is…Lee Dewyze. Crystal may be more musically talented, Lee fits in with the modern recording landscape a bit better. And the Idoloonies slam the gavel down once again.

10:05  - Lee sings “Beautiful Day.” Which begs the question what will his first single be?

Also another stray observation, after David Cook, Kris Allen, and now Lee Dewyze the Idol voters have essentially crowned the same winner three times in a row. Lets mix it up a bit next time. K Thanks.

Til next year.

How the hell did we get here? It seems yesterday news was just breaking that there would be ten best picture nominees. Now almost a year later, March 7th has arrived and so has the entertainment industry’s biggest day. This is my Christmas, complete with ABC and Cablevision trying to ‘Grinch’ it away from me. Enough preamble, no one’s going to read this anyway. Let’s get to it.

Like always my entire live blog will be presented in time line form here, so keep refreshing to get live updates, or just catch up as a whole later. Updates will be posted at every commercial.

8:15 - Lots of red carpet minutiae.  For a refresher on my predictions go here.

8:30 - On time so far. All the nominees open the show. Classy. Interesting, albeit slow way to kick it off. Who put Robin Williams behind J Lo?! WTF. I hope they all sing. No singing. What blue balls.

8:31 - It’s NPH!!!! What are you doing here?! He faked everybody out. Wooo. This song is awesome actually. The set is quite impressive.

8:34 - Steve and Alec come down on Glinda’s bubble. Thanks Wicked. Their banter is funny but more importantly efficient. A little performance-y but I’ll take it.

8:38 - Making fun of CAA? A little inside. James Cameron jokes are great.

8:42 - “Hollywood is all jews” joke? Check. This is a long monologue (dialogue).

8:44 - Oh look its my celebrity doppleganger, Penelope Cruz. Don’t they usually do Supporting Actress first? Whatever.

8:48 - I’m one for one. ABC and Cablevision are back on, but how dare they interrupt Christoph Waltz.

8:50 - Ten presentations begin with The Blind Side.

8:55 - Jimmy Kimmel, still fucking Ben Affleck. “I thought we got nominated like a real movie” -Mr. Fox. Best Animated Feature is one of the strongest categories. As far general movie making goes, most of these outshone some live ones.

8:59 - Up takes it. 2 for 2.

9:01 - This is not better than having the songs perform. I’m still mad “The Wrestler” wasn’t nominated and will be for a long time. Colin Farrell gave the most surprising performance of the year. Ryan Bingham and T-Bone win for Crazy Heart. 3 for 3.

9:13 - Tina makes everything better. Original screenplay goes to Mark Boal for The Hurt Locker! Upsetting Tarantino, he’s pissed. Well there goes my perfect ballot.

9:17 - Molly Ringwald looks scared. Don’t be so scared. John Hughes tribute up now. Rest in peace. So many prolific movies, forever ingrained into the lexicon.

9:21 - Love the touch of his cast members coming out. That was great.

9:23 - Sam Jackson, “There’s too many mother fucking balloons in this mother fucking movie”

9:29 - And now the first award(s) no one cares or knows about…Short film. See they even need a montage to explain it. “The tools don’t make a great film, it’s what you do with them that does.” John Lasseter.

9:31 - Animated short - “Logorama.” And I miss another one. Fail. Oh well. Keep on keeping on French man. You better apologize for your accent. This is AMMURHICA.

9:33 - Short Doc - “Music by Prudence.” Another lost pick. I am really not doing well. Who is this red haired woman. SHE PULLED A KANYE. Dear Prudence, won’t you come out to play.

9:36 - Short film - “The New Tenant” And I missed another one. Completely bottoming out on the minor categories. I am shame. This guy is drunk. And you get the shaft short man.

9:37 - Ok back to the important people. Who is Ben Stiller supposed to be? Jokes. Sick contacts though. Best Make Up time. Come oooon Star Trek. And it’s Star Trek. I got another one.

9:47 - Adapted screenplay based on the novel Push by Sapphire. In The What? Another upset as the win goes to Precious Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire. Both script wins turn up wrong for me. Maybe next year Alex, maybe next year.

9:53 - This Honoree montage is punchy. Great when weighed against the fact that the dinner was most likely incredibly boring.

9:55 - Robin Williams now. What’s with the lamps? Nice wall of lamps. Best Supporting Actress time. Mo’Nique. At least the true locks are coming through for me.

We’ve reached the half way point, how’s everybody doing?

10:06 - And now the artsy fartsy awards. First, Art Direction. Fuck yeah Art Department! Avatar takes it, winning its first of what should be many tonight.

10:10 - Back on track with my predictions? Possibly. We’ll see how Costume Design goes. Young Victoria. Nailed it. Uch, “I already have two of these!” At least she dedicated it to the regular costume designers and not the too-fancy-too-fuck ones, like herself.

10:13 - “Coming up Twilight’s Taylor Lautner and Kristin Stewart.” Oh great.

10:16 - Alec and Steve are still here? And they brought us a Paranormal Activity spoof? Ok. I guess. Kristin Stewart is afraid of horror films. Thanks for the random montage, Oscars.

10:20 - A thought on horror films. Yes there are some great and classic horror movies, but the reason they aren’t taken seriously is because when one becomes popular they make 20 sequels and they’re all terrible.

10:23 - Oh Morgan Freeman. Dear Academy, A package about Dark Knight and sound doesn’t make up for the film’s snub or the amount of work that goes into sound recording, editing and mixing. Anyway, The Hurt Locker takes Sound editing. And for weirdest looking dude. Now sound mixing, The Hurt Locker wins again. Forcing me to 9 out of 16.

10:28 - Poor Elizabeth Banks that writing was awful. And she’s gone before she started. Now Travolta, to introduce Inglourious Basterds. Inglorious Bastards.

10:37 - Avatar takes Cinematography and well deserved considering they invented the cameras to shoot it.

10:38 - James Taylor singing “In My Life” for the In Memoriam montage. Beautiful. Clocking the length: only three minutes. Not as long as expected. Karl Malden gets the closing spot.

10:45 - Dancing to the scores? I think it’s a cool choice. Is it the most necessary choice? Probably not but it mixes it up. Now as for the length…way too much. Would have rather seen performances of the Best Song nominees. Valiant effort but it’s not translating for the home audience.

10:52 - Oh we’re giving away an award? Michael Giacchino gets it for Up’s memorable, melody driven score.

10:54 - Two good looking dudes present a category where you need to make things look good. I see what you did there. Avatar takes Special Effects. Obviously.

10:57 - Clooney is the man. That is all.

11:02 - Great Modern Family commercial. Now documentary, The Cove takes it. Fisher Stevens made this movie? What. Random. TEXT DOLPHIN!

11:06 - “Tyler Perry Presents Madea Goes To The Oscars.” Apparently, Snuggie jokes are still funny. Editing - Hurt Locker. It’s all about tension.

11:14 - Thankfully the lamps are back! Quentin Tarantino, you freak. Foreign Language film, the last minor category of the night, goes to The Secret In Their Eyes. I don’t even know.

11:23 - Whatever happened to “ladies first?” The 5 presenter thing makes a come back but this time with costars instead of past winners. Smart choice.

11:32 - Ten minutes later, Jeff Bridges secures the win.

11:40 - This is exhausting. Seriously, this shit is long and there are still 3 awards to give out.

11:47 - Sean Penn, so awkward. Way to go buddy. Just say the names. Sandy B, the Hollywood darling gets the Oscar. Though it should be going to Leigh Ann Tuey.

11:53 - Best Director. Let’s make some history folks…Kathryn Bigelow. Babs faked us out, “The time has come…” Was it a black man or a woman? I hope she talks about Pointe Break.

11:58 - Nearing the end of the marathon, Hanx throws up The Hurt Locker. David beat Goliath. Good night everybody.